John Putnam's Journal
June 3-7, 2003
Days 9 through 13 - June 3rd-7th, 2003 - Audrey and I got up and headed back down to Marble Falls. Phil had been down there for the past couple of days out on the lake looking for Laura by himself. That was good for him. He really liked being alone and thinking about her. I am sure he was talking to her. When we arrived at the second lake house, mom was there with her long time friend who had come down to stay with her a while. We took them out to the car to listen to the CD. Later I took dad out there to hear it. Finally I took Justin's dad to hear it. It was sad. Justin's dad played it for Justin. I am sure that was tough. The owner's of the lake house where Laura had been staying were there by now. The remarkable thing about their presence was, they had lost a son the year before in a tragic car accident. Their son was the same age as Laura. Here we had two sets of parents with this burdensome coincidence. There was no question the two mothers were going to instantly claim a sisterhood. The men were fine together. The owner's made dinner for all of us. Cook out style. It was very nice. We had made plans to go to dinner with them on that coming Friday night, but they ended up leaving early. From what I understood, it was too much for the still grieving mother of the son who was killed. Phil had kept going out on the lake every day. The second day I was back, we all went back out courtesy of the boys at the Horseshoe Bay Marina. It was very windy that day and the lake was rough. We only went out for a very short time before we packed it in. I decided that would be the last time I would go out looking for her. I was satisfied she was not already up somewhere hiding. As well, I came to realize that when she did come up someone would find her. After several days of looking it was easy to understand what the wardens were saying. One time I saw a white object about the size of a salt shaker floating about 80 yards away. If she came up, they would easily find her. There was also some indication that the warden service was becoming a little uneasy having us out there all the time looking. The wardens working the case in the field were pretty cool about it, but the higher ups I don't think were happy about it. One of the days I came across some wardens dragging the lake. Out of the blue, they were out there dragging. I went over to them to see what was up. They had always been glad to talk to us before, but this time they seemed put out. That was another reason that contributed to my decision later to stop searching. One of Laura's cheerleading buddies' dad was a member of the Dallas Dive Club. They were very anxious to come out and dive for us. After arrangements had been made with Texas Parks and Wildlife, the ok was given for them to come out. They came out on Saturday morning, day 13 and dove all day. There was some hope in the air, but it was cautious. The conditions just were not right and there was really nothing they could do. Mom was really distraught by this. Little did she know, she would not be that way for much longer. The people of the Marble Falls community were amazing. We had become pretty good friends with the manager and staff over at the Horseshoe Bay Marina. They had given us so much, yet when we would talk to them you could see they were miffed about what to say and appeared to have pain in their hearts as well. I know they wanted to do more, they absolutely embraced us. The manager and his staff at the Hampton Inn where we stayed that 2 weeks were exactly the same way. They would not charge us for the rooms and would not allow us to pay for anything. The manager was very nice. There was one particular desk clerk that we could tell was very bothered by what we were going through. I could see the tears in her eyes when we would run into her and the way her head tilted and the look in her face. She wanted to do more. She prayed for us and we developed a very close relationship with her. At some point we absolutely insisted to the manager that we pay him something and he adamantly refused. The manager and staff over at the Chili's were wonderful too. Every time we went there, the manager would come over and we would talk to her for a while about what was going on. She had lost a brother in the past and had felt what we were feeling. She was very understanding and made sure we knew they would take care of us. The bar staff there was nice as well. They would let us stay a while after closing while they cleaned up. And thanks to the waitress who helped us with the jet skis. Every time we came in, it was nice, it was like they always had a table waiting for us. Other people who helped us included a massage therapist who we went to see because 2 weeks in a hotel and on a jet ski made for a tense back. She interviewed us prior to the massage and found out who we were. She too would not accept money for the work. She had lost a brother just months before to cancer and had similar experiences with strangers. All she asked was that we pass it forward. She cried when we left. It is amazing to be in a relationship with total strangers that could possibly have that high level of caring in it. I also realized somewhere in there that people lose loved ones unexpectedly all the time. In fact, it was now becoming apparent that more people lose someone like that than don't. It is an almost anonymous and very somber club. It is like these members move among the rest of us without our knowledge, until it is your turn to join. Then they let you know they are there. Everyone in it understands what it is like to be in it. As well, they all understand what it is like to be around a new member, like us. The bottom line was, everyone wanted to help, no matter what. I don't know if it is just the Texas Way, or if it is the lost loved one's way or if it was Laura's Way. As I started to realize what was going on with the people around us, I couldn't stop thinking about the people we left behind back in Fort Worth and Dallas. I hinted to dad off and on that we needed to get back. I could tell he did not want to stay there anymore, but he didn't know what to do. He could not really rationalize leaving without her. I worked on him a little. He finally came to us and said he wanted to leave on Sunday, June 8th. A couple of times he hinted he was ready to go sooner and I told him to get his stuff ready and we would be home in a couple of hours. He always declined. I did keep telling him about what I thought was going to happen when we got home. How I thought there were going to be people that have been waiting for two weeks just to see us. How those people were hurting just as much as we were because not only did they love Laura, they loved us. To imagine what we were going through probably hurt the people around us tremendously. I felt like we needed to get back there and start working with those people, letting them see us and touch us. They needed that so they too could start healing somehow. All in all, the end of the second week seemed to take a long time. But, I am not as patient as the rest of my family. I was content to go home and wait for the call from the wardens and we could then go back down if need be and take care of what we needed to. I wondered sometimes about what would have happened if she had not been missing. What if she was killed, but we had her body right away. We would have had to instantly plan a funeral and instantly come face to face with friends, and instantly say goodbye to her. I was slowly recognizing how, although we were facing the worst tragedy of our lives, we were afforded an opportunity to deal with it in a setting way different than most people. We had time to get over the initial shock without even saying the word "funeral". We were far enough away from our normal lives that it all seemed like a dream. This disgusting feeling would probably not be in everything we saw back home as bad as if we had experienced it all in our own back yard. We weren't forced to deal with the people around us right away, at a moment that we probably would not have been able to handle it. It gave us time to prepare what and who we wanted to be when we said goodbye to her. Time to think about her without the burdens and formalities of planning funerals and such. In that respect, I believe we were fortunate.
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