John Putnam's Journal

September 18, 2003

(June 25, 2003
Boat Found Likely One Involved in Fatal Hit-and-Run

AUSTIN, Texas -- Texas Parks and Wildlife Department game wardens have seized what is believed to be the boat used in a Memorial Day hit-and-run on Lake LBJ that resulted in the death of a 23-year-old Lubbock woman.)

Audrey is doing good. She and I have an even closer relationship now with all of this. Me personally, I am sad. I know there is nothing I can do about her being gone, however I also know I have not done anything to accept it yet. There is too much other stuff going on to let the fact she is gone sink in. I know she is gone, I just haven't dealt with it yet. I will though. I will lay her to rest in my heart when the time is right. I appreciate the kind word regarding strength. When this all began and the shock was so terrifying, I certainly worked hard to get mom and dad through it. They made it and are relying on each other more now. Both are back to work and dad is extremely preoccupied with the investigation and case itself. That takes his attention away from the devastating loss. We keep an eye on them both. My brother was very close to her and he is having a hard time. He lost a lot of weight but appears to be gaining it back. He is sad, almost like he can't imagine not seeing her again. He has a lot of those "Why?" questions. Why did this happen type stuff. But, this is something we have to do. I admit I look forward to the day that the legal circus is over and we can all just fade into the rest of our lives and try to get use to the new normal.

(With John's permission, during the rest of his journal, there are sections that have been edited from publication on this site. Most families of hit and run victims will experience shock, followed by unbearable grief, and then anger. John freely expresses his frustration and exasperation with the defendant, the boat owners, and the judicial system that has the responsibility to prosecute those responsible. In our litigious society, it is better to side on caution than risk saying something that lawyers may decide might be libelous.)

And to think, whoever was driving that boat probably watched us at some point on that Monday. Either watched the searchers, or us. They had to get up that morning and probably hear about it from some of the people staying at the Dawson home and then that sorry ass had to act surprised. Probably talked about how awful that was. I wonder how close I have been to that person without knowing it. I wonder if I saw that person and did not know that was the one. I remember Phil and I would often sit in silence, whether it was on the lake looking for her or sitting in Chili's, and after a while one of us would say, "Everyone is a suspect to me." It was what we were both always thinking. I wonder if at some point that sorry ass was within our eyesight.

But for now, we will do what the authorities are telling us to do and that is to be quiet, be patient and wait. One way or the other, when this is all over, I will speak for my sister. Mom has expressed a sort of spite towards the media. I am sure it is drama more than hatred. I, on the other hand am maintaining an open line of communication with a reporter in the Dawson's home town of San Antonio. I will get my opportunity one day to say to the people of San Antonio that this is what happened and these people are sorry asses.

Something very sad came to mind the other day. I believe I was driving home when I had this thought. Laura for sure would have had children. I can easily day dream about them and what they would have looked like and so on. I can picture them at family functions and different occasions. Then I realized that the person that killed her also killed those children. They died when she died. That makes me sick. We actually lost more than just Laura, we lost her children too.

Mom went to Marble Falls over the Labor Day weekend by herself. She told me she wanted to spend some time with Laura. I understood what she was saying. I am afraid to try to talk to Laura too much. Sanity being the risk here. But mom is that way. Once she returned, she told me how she and Laura got up real early and went out to the point to watch the sunrise. And then, somehow mom locked her keys in her trunk and mom said that Laura was sitting there just laughing at her. I mean mom was talking as if Laura was standing right there in the flesh and blood. I can't say that it didn't concern me. I am concerned about mom talking like that to outsiders and them getting the wrong idea. I am also concerned that mom might lose it all together.

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